Icy Flame

I've got disconnected when I am trying to post this blog. Luckily I've already made a backup in my pc.
I begin to think of the relationship—to be more specific, think of the relationship between Mark and me. Are there any possibility for us to develop a healthy long-term love relationship? What will be the difficulties or any barriers between us if we really decide to have a love relationship?
Mark said he fell in love with me several days ago. I felt it was too good to be true but I did know he was serious. I knew he excepted some words from me also. However, I just said thank you very much and then kept silent because I really didn’t know how to say and what I should say. He stopped for a while and waited. On seeing no respond from me he asked me not to think too much. It was very hard for him to speak that out but he just wanted to let me know his feelings. My eyes were even full of tears at that moment. I remember when we first met each other he said to me jokingly he might fall in love with me and asked me whether I was attracted to him. I laughed and told him he was quite a handsome and charming guy but maybe it was quite possible that I might fall in love with him. Since I wasn’t interested in any guys for the past one year and a half since the breakup with my ex-b/f and actually I began to doubt about my sexual orientation nowadays (just joking, I think I am still straight).
How could all this happen and when did it happen? It happened before we could notice it. Just within two months we knew each other.
Am I beginning to love him now? Even I cannot be sure of it myself. One thing I can be completely sure is that I really like him and care for him a lot. His smile can light up my heart. His wit, nice sense of humor, caring and patience to me really impresses me. Surely I have to admit this, too—I am attracted to his handsome looking soon after we knew each other.
Okay obviously thing is going on pretty well between us. So why can’t I speak the word Love out since I’ve already realized he is really more than a buddy friend for me nowadays? The reasons are a lot. But the main reason is because I am lacking the feeling of security. It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust his love or believe in him. It is because I am analytical (he said this to me several times) and down-to-earth. Maybe often I have a short temper and don’t have enough patience. Also I always want to finish my work as soon as possible. But that’s just for the things but for the people I care for. I always prefer to take my time to know a person well and take my time to develop a relationship. I never want to dash of it.
He is so different from me., totally, completely different. Here I won’t focus on the details again.,,but……sigh..
I think I’d better quit thinking of this right now. I really have a headache at this moment when I begin to think too much.

Anyways…I want to change my topic now. I will talk about another of my favorite bookJ

I was just writing another recipe down and waiting for Mark on yahoo. Since I really don't want to chat to anyone else so I am in invisible mode also tonight as usual. My professor and several classmates and friends are online now. somewhat I am avoiding them. Lol. He logged in and knew I was online this time as usual so he post me message: hi baby, i am now leaving for brazil, so, wanted to say i will miss you and hope you are good. I replied him and wished him bon voyage. He was in such a hurry that he could hardly talk anything else to me but still he managed to log in yahoo to say something to me today.:) We always try our best to keep in touch with each other on net daily--maybe for just several minutes, maybe as long as four or five hours(that sounds crazy enough but it is true. he often forgets his lunch and his meeting and I often forget my sleeping and my reading.)

It was 22:30 pm china time here so I knew it should be 9:30 am amercian east time there in Michigan. Now he must be on his way to the airport. And I just began to miss him the moment he signed off yahoo! is he thinking of me or something about me now like I do? My cat Pharaoh obviously has got bored of running after its own tail and now is curling up on my laps, half asleep.

Pharaoh is a little black male kitten with cool deep blue eyes ( kinda different from Mark's because Mark has blue with a little green eyes. lol. but both of them have charming eyes. I love look into Mark's or the cat's eyes). Pharaoh is very proud and has a short temper--his mistress is quite short-tempered, too :P Usually Pharaoh is too proud to get close to me. He always prefers to be alone... How to say.. just like standing apart with aloof dignity. He is always so cute in my eyes:P However nowadays he tend to get closer to me than usual. I do know the reason is because the weather is turning cold. Pharaoh is just afraid of cold so much. Whatever! I feel honored:P I love put him on my laps and pat him and talk to him pretending he can understand me totally.

Hey Little thing, don't worry about the cold. I give you a small blanket for yourself and keep you next to my pillow. the winter days in Guangzhou isn't so cold anyways. the temperature never goes down below the zero.

Still the weather changed too much todayL I am now typing on the keyboard with my cold fingers. How nice if Mark were here. His body is always warm and strong. He is a very tall and muscular guy—6 feet 3 inches and about 200 pounds. For a small girl who is just 5’3 feet and about 100 pounds, he is really just as two times as me. I can curl up in his arms like pharaoh now with me.
Sigh. See I have one more reason to miss Mark. He is really good for keeping warm in winter days. My heart becomes so soft when I am thinking of him. Actually it smiles:)

Okay now I will stop my stupid thinking and begin to read some books on the American culture.

The world puts off its mask of vastness to its lover. It becomes small as one song, as one kiss of the eternal.
Do you know I am missing you. A hug or a kiss can light my heart. And the world smiles to me today.

I am feeling a bit tired now, darlng.
We are always in a hurry in our journey from the birth to the beath.
We are living in this forget of concrete bulidings, wandering in this desert of souls.
I cry in silence and speak into the air hoping someone might hear my heart calling.
May I put my head on your shower for a while?
I don't need any sweet talks. i don't need any flowers. I don't need any shinning diamond.

Let me put my head on your shower and rest for a while.
Falling in sound sleep like this, with smiles on my face while seeing you in my dream.


I am missing you tonight, Mark.

I've been totally down for the past one year and a half after my breakup with my ex-boyfriend-- a religious muslim Indian guy. Now i think it should be the beat time for me to let go something unwanted in my life and begin a new life.
However, I will always treasure those precious memories I spent with him for the whole one year we'd been together. I guess I am missing the feeling of falling in love instead of loving him.
Two months ago I just met one an American guy who works in Guangzhou, China currently. Everything is going pretty well with us so far. We seems to have almost the same wavelength and understand each other and each other’s thought and feelings pretty well. I know it is the time for me to begin a new relationship again.
My blog will track all the things going on in my life from now on

But when will I let him see my blog? lol I really have no ideas. Maybe in one month when we meet each other again in Guangzhou.